Things start heating up (Picture: Joybear)Īs Max enters Sienna for the first time I can’t help but reminisce how earlier in the day he’d told me how much he ‘loves dinosaurs’ – but I don’t think this is the right time to ask what he thinks of Jurassic Park 4. I’m stood in a room with a handful of other people watching two complete strangers bone… Minutes later they’re starkers, Sienna working her magic to get Max hard, adding in between the squelching sounds, ‘No one likes a dry blowjob’.Īs the action ups so too does my awkwardness. They take their time to get naked, undressing each other as romantically as possible. Something more vanilla?’įive minutes later they’re both throwing out combos like sex-crazed chipmunks: ‘Mish, spoons, doggy?’ ‘Mish, doggy, cowgirl?’ ‘Cowgirl, mish, spoons?’ I feel like I’m witnessing an adult version of stone, paper, scissors and then Sienna walks in and it’s show time. We all stand around in the ‘hotel’ room waiting for both actors to get their two forms of ID to verify their ages as Santos and the director consider what positions to do: Then it’s time to break for dinner…but after a quick meal, it’s 10pm and time for the shoot. And so is the house cat I’m holding hostage on my lap. The ‘action’ has finally arrived and I’m getting weirded out. Sienna Day, in costume on the set of The Invitation – proving that porn films have storylines too (Picture: Joybear)Īnd then she starts stripping, slowly, inch by inch, second by second becoming the ultimate pin-up porn star – all legs and eyes and bare-naked skin as smooth as sand – and I don’t know where to look. My first impressions of the real world of porn making are, well, a little bit surprising. It takes three shots and 30 minutes just to capture the 4×4 coming up the lane and then about another 40 to get exterior shots of the car and the couple as they have a bit of a bicker (he didn’t check the oil before they left the house, the silly Billy) and realise they’re going to have to walk to get help. It’s pretty biting outside (in between shots Santos frequently relinquishes his coat and gloves to Sienna who’s only dressed in a cotton jumper and trousers) and the work is slow. Unlike a lot of adult production companies, Joybear prides itself on storylines and the film I’m here to watch being shot is The Invitation – the story of a couple’s first forays into swinging, after a broken down car leaves them stranded and at the mercy of some very naughty neighbours.Īs Santos tells me, ‘Joybear is posh erotica’ with an incentive to watch the scenes between the sex. I’m waiting for someone to ask if the telly needs fixing and the bom chicka wah wah guitar music to kick in but no, the conversation goes on and on and on and I start to think that I’m in Bore-ville.Ĭouple break down, knock on nearby door for help, accidentally end up in the middle of a sexy swinging party. ‘Is there enough cereal for the week?’ ‘Do we need more bread?’ ‘What about milk?’. I start to eavesdrop on the conversation and it’s all a bit Sunday at Grandma’s… ‘They’re going to do some kind of bakery-based sex scene right here on the worktop!’ I think of Fanny Cradock and snigger. Soon enough, I’m shown into the kitchen and introduced to the ten-strong crew (who will remain nameless – another one of the prerequisites of my visit). The only thing that vaguely says ‘porno’ is the white drapes slowly dancing in the draft coming in from the courtyard – and that’s only because it reminds me of the soft core aesthetic: playful, airy and light. A house cat sleeps on a sofa, vases of flowers sit idyllically on a coffee table and the books on the shelves say ‘Sunday morning mass’ not ‘sex den’. Max Deeds on set for The Invitation (Picture: Joybear)Īs I enter the house everything is quiet. Two hours on the road (including a fascinating conversation on the merits of ‘soft’ cheeses) and we finally arrive at our secret destination and I’m allowed to remove the blindfold (joke). Needless to say I’m a bit on edge as I join Santos in Wimbledon and we make our way out of the city and into the wilds of Kent. All I was allowed to do was get in the car with Santos, head into the countryside and hope that I wasn’t going to be dragged into the bushes and murdered (‘This is what happens to perverts when they enquire about visiting porn sets, Gareth! Undo your fly!’). Joybear nil).įive, I wouldn’t be told where I was going. One, no wanking (okay, that was a rule I imposed on myself… I am not going through *that* Sunday School nightmare again). There was a week-long shoot coming up and he’d let me shadow him for a day as long as I adhered to some (strict) rules: I can tell you which is better Read More Stories I've had sex 5 times a night and less than once a week.
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